Hope Is Bleak

For the past couple of days, I’ve been occupied by a pile of thoughts running through my mind like water in a drainage without an exit.

There’s school to be bothered about, the chaos brewing in my country, and the fear of losing myself. But in all these, one thought that worries me more, a question I’m yet to discover an answer to is; ‘will I ever be successful?’

I know, I know, I’m not the only one in their twenties asking that same question, it’s more like an age-range pandemic, especially in the current economic state.

I turn twenty-four in the next eleven days and I remain clueless as I was in twenty-three or twenty-two. At the beginning of the year, I had been optimistic about affording a birthday bash this year, because I hoped to secure gigs, learn skills, promote my fitness brand, and host online classes that would help me generate income.

Of course, I’ve been unable to do any of these, due to procrastination and living in my fear. Yeah, one thing I do well at is telling myself the truth and not blaming others or factors such as the economy for my lack of growth.

So far, I’ve only secured cheap gigs that only paid for my feeding, hell, you can’t save up with a growling stomach. I’ve made attempts at promoting my fitness brand, but not so much as for it to be relevant on any social media, I’ve attended classes online to learn UI/UX design, but I’ve fallen off severally, I haven’t made any serious move on hosting an online class, but I’m currently working on at least being published with one of the books I’m writing before the year ends, oops, I shouldn’t dream and tell.

Anyway, back to the question: Will I be successful?

From where I am currently, I can only hope for a positive response in the near times, but I know I won’t be having that birthday bash this year.

I know I have a lot to do and a lot to learn, I know I have to put in the work, and I know that time will tell if this piece will be something I look at by next year and smile, or cry.

I hope the former is the future.