Losing Oneself To A Breakthrough

Do you ever feel your present qualities are due to your financial state?

Recently I've been bugged by the thought of the chances of losing myself -my kindness and gentility, should it suddenly be that I come upon some financial breakthrough.

I believe that man cannot be defined by a specific character because he is ever-changing.

But in the short while I have lived, and changed many times, certain traits remain prominent.

Pride, kindness, gentleness.

It's quite a mix, I know, but here's why.

I attribute my gentleness to the fact that until now, I have never seen myself to be more.

To me, everyone was more beautiful, intelligent, smarter, interesting, more fun…name it, than me.

It's low self-esteem really.

But to mask it so the whole world doesn't know how I feel inside, I walk with my head high, and so in certain situations, I appear prideful.

My kindness, on the other hand, is something I'd say is gene-related.

My mom is kind, you see, the kindest I've ever known actually.

I guess I picked that from her.

And I also guess that is why in all the things I fear to lose in myself, kindness bothers me most.

I don't want my fear to stop me from trying my best to get a breakthrough financially, so I keep reminding myself to smile more, stay calm and be kinder.

Perhaps, if I make that my mantra, upon attaining some form of wealth, I might not lose myself and become vile.

Cos truly, the world can do with one less vile person in it.

It would be insufferable to be an add instead.

However, at last, I would first need to get that breakthrough first.

So while I do my best not to be vile, I keep my fingers crossed that soon, I'll be where I'd rather be financially.

Did you ever feel this way before your breakthrough?

Or do you even think of it now you've probably not had that breakthrough?

I'd like to read your opinion on this.